The Impacts of Autism on the Family
Having a child who has been diagnosed with autism can be a particularly challenging time for any family. The emotional roller coaster lurches from disbelief, anger, relief at finally having an explanation for your child's unusual behavior, guilt, surprise, helplessness, devastation, understanding, and so the list goes on.
Then there are the more practical questions too, what sort of treatment is available, what are the education options, what level of care will be required, how will this effect other siblings, parental relationships and financially, what will the effect be?
Parents bear the brunt of the family responsibility with mothers often feeling the impact of their childs autism more personally than others. Coping with an autistic child can lead to difficulties between parents with each playing a blame game. This can lead to a breakdown of the relationship, but researchers have found that this is no more likely than for families without autistic children.
Raising an autistic child is challenging and can be exhausting without support. As the main role in bringing up children usually falls to the mother, they may experience additional emotional stress. This can impact on not only relationships between parents, but also performance at work, which can lead to feeling of resentment or possibly have a financial impact if they are forced to change working hours and responsibilities to fit in around childcare.
An autistic brother or sister also impacts on other siblings. You may notice their autistic sibling embarrasses them, they may be reluctant to bring friends home or be jealous of the amount of time you spend with their brother/sister. On the other hand, there are some positives, siblings may develop strong feelings of protectiveness for their brother/sister and take an interest in their development.
Discussing with other siblings about their expected role, if any, in the future care of an autistic child is a good idea as most older children will start to wonder what their responsibilities might be as parents get older. Having an open and honest discussion with all your children about future care is important so that siblings are not worrying unnecessarily.
Grandparents are also effected by an diagnosis of autism. They can feel a loss of a ‘normal’ grandchild and will often worry and experience stress on behalf of the parents. Grandparents can be a huge help when caring for autistic children, but they can also hinder too, no matter how well meaning their intentions.
So, what can you do about reducing the impact on the family?
Take time out
It is vital for parents to take some time for themselves to recharge their relationship. Now, most people will say they don’t have time or there isn’t anyone to look after the children etc. Well they are missing the very important point. If you don’t look after yourself you can’t look after others - effectively anyway.
You don’t need to take a week or even a day off, just allow yourself some time to do something for you - take a bath, take a stroll together, share a glass of wine, read a chapter of a book… you get the idea. Parenting is stressful and when an autistic child is in the mix it is even more so. It is important to keep moral up to stay motivated.
This also applies for the rest of the family. You should remember to acknowledge that each member of the family contributes to the family dynamic. Remember to be appreciative of whatever role each member takes and their achievements.
Sometimes, you may occasionally want to go somewhere or do an activity with the rest of the family without your autistic child. This is not something to feel guilty about; you need to think about your other children and what their needs may be. They will sometimes need some ‘timeout’ from “autism” and just enjoy their parents company, without worrying about what their sibling may do. Also, it’s important for parents to have some time to themselves, enjoy an evening out, a meal at a nice restaurant every now and again.
